Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Remembering the Journey

I recently received an email from a man who's son was just diagnosed with autism and hyperlexia. He asked me about my son. The paths we've traveled. Therapies, education and programs we've experienced. What has helped? What we'd do differently.

PLEASE NOTE: Every child is different. I feel God guided me to the things that worked for Jonathan. I look at all the therapies available as "tools" to help our kids, and I am so thankful that we have a toolbox full! If something isn't working... there's another one to try!I IN NO WAY think this is the magical cure all for every child with autism. But the person who emailed me asked me specifically what we did with Jonathan...and this is our history.

When I responded, it wasn't difficult to remember each year of Jonathan's life. The amazing people God brought our way to walk alongside us, to join us for a year or two. Many of them have left indelible footprints in our hearts. How can you not appreciate those who go beyond the call of duty for your child?

I thought I'd share his letter and my response with you. Perhaps you may glean something from our journey you can use on yours.

Donna,

I'm in the beginning of my journey with my son. He is 3.5 years old. Thank you for replying back.

I'm interested to know how long you've been on the journey? If you can change something during the journey, what would that be? Most of all, how is your son?

Thank you,

E

Hi E,

How long have I been on this journey? Forever! So it seems. Jonathan just turned 9. He is, my guess...2 or 3 years ahead of his peers academically, and about the same behind socially and emotionally. Though the exceptions to the "ahead" is handwriting. And there are often exceptions to the "behind" when he will show compassion or amaze us with a spark of maturity.


We kept him in K for an additional year. Partly because it was his first school year as an included child, and had a horrible no good very bad teacher the first half of the year, then transferred to the most extraordinary exactly what he needed teacher for the 2nd half of the year. They bonded (ME TOO!) and we became a team to help Jonathan be all he could be (to steal a slogan). Thank you Michelle!

I don't really think there is anything we would have done differently. Nothing major, anyway. I can tell you what we did, not that there are any duplicate children...but this path (even in my ignorance) seemed to be the precise set of things Jonathan needed to keep growing and making progress.

This might be a really long letter.

Jonathan was diagnosed (incorrectly) with a hearing impairment at 11 months old. Began Speech therapy. He was not babbling at all, did not understand a word we said, did not point or wave. We knew he was smart because he was already a whiz with puzzles and shapes, but nothing auditorally made any sense to him.

While he was in speech, they noticed a lack of balance, and no idea of how to catch himself if he went to fall, so he began physical therapy at 13 months, and OT soon there after for sensory issues.

At 16 months old, after his last set of immunizations, he disappeared into his own world. I honestly thought they would tell me my son was autistic when he was 11 months old, and received hearing impairment with a thankful heart. Better to be hearing impaired than autistic! But, they were wrong, and I was right...at 18 months he was tested by 4 psychologist and a few others, and the compiled and averaged score on his first ADOS was 1 point away from severely autistic.

At that point we enrolled him in UCP. It was a preschool for children with special needs. Because he wasn't learning language, at 2, they introduced PECS to him and he picked it up immediately. I was cautious, because, although I loved the fact he could grab a "Popsicle" picture and get what he wanted instead of screaming, he still wasn't talking or even understanding any words. (http://trainland.tripod.com/pecs.htm and http://www.polyxo.com/visualsupport/pecs.html)

I took a course called Hanen, which was amazing, and really gave me a handle on how to use language so my son could begin to understand. I highly recommend finding a place to take this, if you can.
(http://www.hanen.org/web/Home/tabid/36/Default.aspx)

I also bought a series of videos (now they are DVD's of course) called Baby Bumble Bee. Awesome, wonderful, excellent investment! (http://www.babybumblebee.com/)

At 18 months he was in the toddler class at UCP 3 full days a week, receiving Speech and Language, OT and PT 3X a week, then we also got approved for Oral Motor Therapy and added that 2X a week. (He would not transition to table food) There we found the miracle Speech therapist who worked wonders with Jonathan. Somehow, Barb and Jonathan made a connection, and he learned so much from her. Sweet Barb...we miss you!


It was also there we realized he was reading. He was 2.5 and obsessed with numbers and the alphabet, preferring them over anything else. Instead of coloring with crayons, he would "build" letters and numbers with them. His first words were of course A B C.... and 1 2 3... "mama" came much later.

After evaluating my son, and taking into account all his strengths and weaknesses, I felt that his #1 core deficit was his lack of desire to be social. So many of his issues were due to the fact that he did really notice people or desire relationships. So I chose therapies that would cause an effective change in that area. Why would he want to talk, if he didn't want to share his thoughts? Or know what someone else was thinking or feeling?

So I chose to learn and implement a Floortime approach at home. It took months, but eventually I began to see changes. He began to interact with me and seek me out to play.(http://www.icdl.com/dirFloortime/overview/index.shtml)

All the while his interest in letters and numbers and words grew. Before he was 3, his favorite thing to do was matching pictures with words. I made file folder games to enhance his comprehension and reading ability. I made 5 folders with 10 - 20 pictures each of things he was familiar with. (Colors, numbers, toys, food, days of the week and months of the year) there were almost 100 words I was planning on teaching him. I had Velcro words for him to match the word to the picture. When I showed him the first folder, I watched with fascination as he matched 18 out of 20 ON HIS OWN! He was less than 3, I know, because he was still at UCP. He ran about the same average with each of the file folder games I had made.

I have no clue how he read. No one taught him. He just knew. I remember as a baby, how he would cry when I would shut a video off before the credits rolled. I know now he was already decoding.

At 3 he went to public school in and autism placement (8 - 3; 5 days a week) with a pull out to a preK language impaired class for 2 hours a day. He was beginning to talk. Only 1 word at a time, usually a color or number or letter; but also labeling. (funny thing was they had tried teaching him sign language, I had too, he never was interested, and he never ever signed...until he talked. Then he would often pair the sign with the word!)
I also developed my own way of teaching him language.
He had echolalia, both immediate and delayed. He would parrot back a question, knowing he was supposed to say something..but not sure what. I would say, "How are you?"he would say, "How are you". He would also quote videos, complete with the exact intonation. But he did not really have spontaneous language at that point.

After I realized he could read, I would use that! GOLD MIND!! I would right the answers to questions on index cards. I'd ask a question and hold up the card...BINGO! This is how my child learned to answer questions.

Soon it became much more than "Fine" (how are you?)
It evolved to reading sentences. We'd play games and he would have to say (read) "Mom, now it is you're turn" before I would take my turn. Or "Please give me the dice" before he could roll. All read off of index cards.

He still could not but 2 words together spontaneously, but he was learning language.

At his 4 year old IEP, one of the goals was to put 2 and 3 words together to make a sentence.

The summer before he moved to a VE (Varying Exceptionalities) 4 year old PreK class we found a church who accepted him into a summer camp program. He went 3 days a week, and was with typical children. His language exploded that summer! He surpassed the 2-3 word phrases before August, and was often speaking in sentences. We were delighted.

By 4 he was hooked on Dr. Seuss, and read everything the man wrote. The spring he turned 5 he noticed that children existed! Thus began his social life!

Flash forward. Jonathan just turned 9. He's been included in a General Education Classroom since he was 5. He is very bright, and somewhat bored in school. He always amazes us with his knowledge of subjects (he reads all the time, and remembers almost everything he reads) He is years ahead in math as well.

He is still behind emotionally. He sometimes gets "stuck" on thoughts and ideas he has, or something he really wants to do, it is difficult for him to "move on" without help transitioning. He is 100% fully conversational. He is very social, and just had a fantastic birthday party that NO ONE would have ever guessed that he was autistic.

My fingers are sore. LOL. I guess I got a bit carried away.

Feel free to ask me anything you want, if you have specific questions. As you see, I don't have trouble answering email. : )

Oh, one more thing....the Orlando Sentinel did an article on Jonathan a Thanksgiving of 2005. They have long since deleted if from their website, but it is still up on a sister paper's website. (Says Jonathan was "3" under a picture....but he was 5)

You can read it at:

Family faces struggle with son's autism: Rutland Herald Online


Hope this help you as you consider your options. May the Lord bless you with wisdom and insight. I can promise you...it will be an amazing journey!


I am...




Donna



Sunday, April 19, 2009

A Dream Come True

I planned a Mario themed party for Jonathan at our house. I was concerned because we had very few RSVP's, but 9 children came, along with many adults. It was perfect. Jonathan was awesome! He never got too wound up. Played well with his friends. Appreciated his gifts and givers. Listened well to my directives.

Sitting here very sore and tired (gee...this getting old ain't no fun!) I am reflecting on the days I prayed my son could just play with another child. Just interact. Just talk with. Just look at. Just say, "Mom look at me".

He may still occasionally have some behavior issues at school, but he is happy. He honestly loves his friends. He plays and has relationships! He is kind and gentle with those who are fragile (one little boy, the brother of his best friend, recently had surgery to correct some problems with his legs. He was here tonight, and I noticed Jonathan showing compassion with him.) He can love and give hugs.
I AM SO VERY BLESSED.
I write this with tears streaming down my face.
Realizing how much God has given me.
How His hand has touched my precious boy's life.
At one point in his life, Jonathan knew nothing of the joy of having a friend. He honestly had no desire to interact with people. Now he thrives on it. What more could I possibly ask for?

Several years ago I had this very dream for my son. I envisioned him playing like the other children. I asked the Lord to help my son enjoy friendships an
d learn that people are valuable. And I am amazed...because I SAW my dream come alive yesterday. Amazed how God's grace touches our lives in so many ways.

I will forever be grateful and


Donna

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Transformations - The Easter Miracle


Here it is the week before Easter. I am blessed to be on the worship team and my church. We did quite a bit of singing about the Cross this morning.

As a C
hristian, I've been pondering the cross and have some interesting thoughts to share. If I were a preacher, guess I'd have my Easter Sermon!

Think about the cross...what comes to mind?
A 14K Gold charm you wear
around your neck?
Or the hanging object at the front of a church?
Perhaps what is on top
of a steeple?

The Cross was an instrument of torture and death.
It was not
pretty or shinny.
It wasn't somethi
ng most people wanted to look at.
It represented a guilty ver
dict, a barbaric, cruel form of punishment, payment for a heinous crime.

Then I began thinking...what if?
What if Jesus did no
t die on a cross?
What if
Jesus was hung? Or shot by a firing squad?

Would w
e be singing songs about the "Precious Old Rope"?
Would our churches have nooses in their sanctuary as a remembrance?



Would we be wearing 14K Gold and diamond guns on chains around our necks? Can you hear the testimony? "The power of the gun made all the difference in my life."



Kind of slaps me into reality. How can something that is so vile and loathsome become the paramount emblem of our hope and joy?

It absolutely must be becau
se EVERYTHING that God touches is transformed. So many examples of transformations, if we look around.

The caterpillar metamorphosis into a butterfly.
..
A seed dies and grows into a beautiful flower...
Even an egg cracks open and the new life inside is hatched.

The cross, the instrument of intense pain, humiliation and death, has been transformed by the Power of God to something w
e cherish and honor. We look at the cross and we see the power of Love. Just Amazing...

Thank you for the cross, Lord
Thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came
And gave amazing grace

Thank you for this Love Lord
Thank you for the nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I know
Your forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crowns
You reign victorious

High and lifted up
Jesus Son of God
The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

I will forever be

Donna

Saturday, April 4, 2009

It Breaks My Heart...


Ouch. That hurt...

This morning while trying to get some work done on my laptop, I repeatedly asked my son to lay at the other end of the couch. He was trying to snuggle, but he has a tough time sitting still, so it was more like cuddling with a windshield wiper. Somewhere around the 20th time I asked him to move, my request had a certain "tone" of OBEY NOW!

He looked at me with a very disappointed expression and replied,


"Mom, you really break my heart when you don't want me next to you."


Oh, baby...
I'm so sorry.
Nothing is more important than taking tim
e to let you know you're loved.
Nothing.

Not paying bills
or
Responding to emails
or
Reading blogs
or
Teaching an Online Course for UCF
or
Ebay
or
Facebook.

Forgive me for acting like
the most important thing isn't the most important thing.
When you were 3

You did not want to cuddle or hug
.
I prayed that you would learn to enjoy being loved
.
Now you do

And I tell you to move away.

Shame on me.
Forgive me, ho
ney.
Someday, you might think you're too big to cuddle.

So I will remember to cherish
Every hug
Every kiss
Every moment
Every day.

I am




Donna

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

You've Got to be Kidding!


Yesterday was a whirlwind. No, actually more like a Tsunami.

A few years ago, my son could not leave the watchful eye of an adult for even a minute. You never knew what he might do! Would you believe?
  • Climb to the to of the refrigerator to get to the cookie jar? (18 months old)
  • Leave his bedroom to roam the neighborhood at 2:00 AM? (at 2 years old!)
  • Attempting to cut the cat's tail off so it would look like the manx kitten he petted earlier in the day?
  • Line up 100 VHS tapes like a roadway through the house in ALPHABETICAL order (at 4 years old!)?
  • Escape over the ledge of an indoor play area at a mall to run barefoot to Sears? (When Dad found him, he was waving, going up an escalator.)
These are just a few of the *joys* we've experienced since our son was born.

However, in the past few years, he's matured. I can let him play downstairs while I cook dinner. He will be content playing with Legos, or on the Computer or Wii.

Yesterday, however...he reverted back to the days of needing to be jailed WHOOPS, I mean gated in his room.

In 2 short hours of being home from school he was able to:
  • fill the Downy Ball with soap
  • try to use the back of the recliner as a balance beam
  • eat string from his pocket as a between meal snack
  • purchase something on ebay (I left the browser opened, with my sign-in info filled in)
  • And scale to new heights, reaching an RC heliocopter on he top shelf of a 7 foot tall bookcase.
The last item on my list was the last straw. HOW DID HE MANAGE TO GET TO THE TOP SHELF OF A 7 FOOT BOOKCASE?

So as I was in the height of my frustration, I asked, "Did you climb it?"

Looking horrified, he replied, "NO! That's dangerous Mom!"

"Well, how DID you get it?"

"Oh, that's easy...see, I climbed up on the chair with the wheels in your office, rolled over to the door between the office and the den. Then I grabbed onto the top of the door of the Den, pushed off the rolly chair so I could swing the door over. I scaled the door to get the the end, then holding on the top of the door with one hand, I balanced on the door knob, and I reached the heliocopter, and jumped down!"

"And you think that is safe?"

"I didn't get hurt. Maybe I'm a super-hero in training or something."

Was it a full moon? Did he drink a Coke? Eat some cheese?
Take too many vitamins?

A few years ago I wanted to send an idea to Little Tikes. You know, the people that make the wonderful children's playhouses and climbing gyms. I was thinking there may be huge market for a Little Tikes Jail, where only Mom holds the key. Perhaps I should have followed through. Might have a pretty good bank account by now, not to mention a break once in a while.

Lest I get angry mail...
I'M JUST TEASING about the jail.
And you all know I love my son mega much. There are just those days, and yesterday was one of them!

Needless to say I am



Donna

Monday, March 30, 2009

A Dozen Thoughts - What Every Parent of an ASD Child Wish the Teacher Knew

free glitter text and family website at FamilyLobby.com

1) It is never a shock that my child has behavior issues. I live with him. I know.

2) Tell me 2 good things about my child when you have to tell me something bad. Think of it as a sandwich. Good/Bad/Good.

3) Let me know you like my child.

4) Realize that I often feel guilty that he is in your class, because I know he takes up so much more of your time and effort than typical children do.

5) Even though my child has non-compliance issues, I am not a wimpy parent. I work harder, correct more, brainstorm more, set up reward programs, try to be diligently consistent, read more, worry more than parents of typical children.

6) Include me in on decisions about my child.

7) Ask me what works at home.

8) Try to go easy on the homework. We have enough struggles around here! Understand, if you assign homework we may or may not be able to get it done.

9) If my son says the tag in his shirt bothers him, cut it out, you totally have my permission. If you don't cut it out, plan on a bad day.

10) Remember that my child is a few years behind socially and emotionally. He may need help remembering to bring home jackets and lunch boxes. I have extras, but when they start to pile up at school, send them home.

11) Try to use my child's strengths in the classroom if you can. It will make his self-esteem soar.

12) Applaud me for getting him to school on time. You have no idea...

I am...



Donna

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I Remember You...


Three years ago today, my Mom went to be with the Lord. Needless to say, I miss her very much. March 22nd will always be a day with the mixture of sadness and joy. Sadness because of the obvious loss and desire to be with my Mom again. Joy because I know she is basking in the Awesome presence of the Lord!

Wanted to share something I wrote. This was very much of an epiphany to me. I began not knowing what the conclusion would be, and was stunned by the realization.

I Remember You
I look at a picture of you and I remember:

The joy you had doing something you love

Your passion for whatever project you were working on
...
Your dedication to do what you felt was right
Your compassion for the poor and hurting
Your steadfastness to your beliefs
Your desire to do something grand in life
Your honesty, even when it hurt
Your determination to stand for the truth
Your love for the Lord

I used to think we were so different
Opposites in many ways
But as I read this description of you
I see that we really are so much alike
You gave me such a wonderful foundation for life
Joy, passion, dedication, compassion, steadfastness, honesty, determination, love…
What a beautiful legacy you imparted to me

Thank you, Mom
You are remembered
With a heart full of love



Donna
(I'm back!)